Monday, 21 February 2011


I thought this week I would enlighten you all with my Safari dinner party extravaganza, which all in all was a success but at the same time I can quite confidently say that I will NEVER host one of these events again!

The stress of the evening started at around 11am on the Friday morning when we realised we were 2 boys down, I know I commented previously that the quota was filled but that was an error– I was philosophical about it by saying that I was 2 chairs short so it was a blessing in disguise. My friends were not amused by this yet somehow in the ensuing text messages flying between us it became actually quite comical. It read a little something like this:

Friend 1: Shiiiiit what are we going to do with 2 less boys?

Me: I don’t mind not getting a snog – that’ll make the ratio a little better plus I don’t have enough chairs.

Friend 2: I have asked percy, paul, peter and none of them can come. Philip is going to see if there is anyone in his office friends who can make it at such short notice.

All the above names are made up - not all of the boys my friend knows have names beginning with P.

There were then a few texts about whether or not I have suitable pie dishes – I told them both that I didn’t live in a pie making flat – turned out when I got home later there is a cupboard loads of pie dishes at mine – who da thunk?

Anyway, as I was trying to look like I was working but actually texting like a mad woman, friend 2 found 2 boys. Her friend had quite literally sent an email around his office asking if anybody was available. Luckily 2 were, obviously I was questioning whether these 2 guys would be eligible seeing as who on earth has no plans on a Friday night? (I mean that sarcastically – I am not judgmental like that – well maybe a little bit).

I got home and was about 2 glasses of Champagne down by the time the girls arrived to cook. I will say now that I am a terrible cook – it is not purely because of laziness that the other girls ended up doing all the cooking, I would have feared for people’s lives if I were to have done it.... I provided the ice cream for the pudding and of course the venue which is in fact far more hard work than anything else – because it’s my neighbours and my housemate that I had apologise to for the noise and mess as well as thoroughly cleaning the flat whilst nursing a terrible hangover the next day.

My biggest challenge of the evening was to get 2 spare chairs. There had been the suggestion of buying garden furniture – a) there was no garden centre nearby and b) I was not about to waste money on garden furniture. I tried everything, the corner shop (who know me and I like to think have a bit of a soft spot for me – obviously not), the Chinese, the greasy spoon. NOTHING. NO ONE would give me 2 lousy chairs. Until I came to my last resort – the Indian Takeaway- ‘Spice Grills’. Not only is the name of the place a play on the name of my absolute favourite girl band but they are also very nice obliging people. We named them the curry chairs as they absolutely stank of curry.

The evening went well. At the beginning there was the classic; girls on 1 side, boys on the other but after about a bottle each there were no qualms, we were practically feeding each other chicken pie and there was no need for the 2 chairs. But alas just as we were getting in to the swing of things – it was time for pudding and the changeover. It basically just went downhill from there – everyone was so smashed that giving names was pointless, jaeger bombs were dished out and we actually played spin the bottle!

The error I made was to have everyone reconvene at mine before going on to the proposed venue for the house party... oh dear. The noise level went up by a bajillion decibels and everyone went from drunk to paralytic in the excitement. Operation Evacuation had to get underway. Of course it didn’t happen until after the neighbours had complained and my housemate had had to come home and tell me to get everyone out or else. This was not helped by everyone thinking it would be funny to buzz the people’s door bells and sing horrendous songs as we left...

The next house party was for want of a better word debauched – people were lying on sofas with come to bed eyes (or just really really drunk eyes) and people were pulling left right and centre. I stayed there till about 4am and then my sensible side got the better of me as I sobered up at the thought of all the cleaning I had to do the next morning.

All in all though I think we achieved what we had aimed for even if in house relations were a little strained at mine yesterday. We all met some nice new guys even if we can’t remember all of their names and a jolly good time was had by all. I would highly recommend that you do one of these evenings, just make sure it’s at someone else’s flat.

Cordelia Rosa

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